Προς Κάτοικο Λιλιπούπολης

Ξέρεις τι γίνεται βρε Δυστροπόπιγγα...αυτά που ενδεχομένως κάποιος να ήθελε να πει σε ένα blog εγώ τα λέω στον εαυτό μου σε μια πρώτη φάση (και σε φίλους σε μια δεύτερη φάση), οπότε δεν έχω πάντα την ανάγκη να τα πω και σε τρίτους (σε μια τρίτη φάση). Πώς να στο πω...τα έχω ήδη ακούσει, οπότε δεν χρειάζεται να τα ξανά «ακούσω» βάζοντάς τα μπροστά μου σε μορφή λέξεων. Κατά τη γνώμη μου, τα posts μας ικανοποιούν κατά κύριο λόγο μια ψυχική μας ανάγκη να μιλήσουμε για τους εαυτούς μας και τελικά να ακούσουμε τους εαυτούς μας. Εγώ όμως τον εαυτό μου τον ακούω όλη την ώρα. Βλέπεις, όταν έχεις μεγαλώσει σαν μοναχοπαίδι που κατ’ ανάγκη πέρναγε ώρες ατελείωτες μόνο του στο σπίτι, τότε ενδέχεται ο εαυτός σου να έχει αποκτήσει μια δική του υπόσταση– να έχει γίνει ένας άλλος άνθρωπος. Όταν λοιπόν μιλάς στο εαυτό σου, είναι σαν να τον έχεις απέναντί σου. Εγώ πάντα μιλούσα στον εαυτό μου (δυνατά) σαν να ήταν άλλος άνθρωπος, γιατί ήθελα να νιώθω μια δεύτερη παρουσία στο σπίτι, οπότε μου έγινε συνήθειο και το κάνω ακόμα. Καμιά φορά σκέφτομαι πως όταν γεράσω, αν κάποια στιγμή τύχει και μου στρίψει, θα είμαι από εκείνες τις τρελές γριές που μιλούν στον αέρα μπροστά τους και οι περαστικοί τις κοιτάν περίεργα και γελάν.

Τώρα βέβαια, πέρα από αυτό, η αλήθεια είναι πως δεν έχω πάντα ενδιαφέροντα πράγματα να μοιραστώ με τους fellow bloggers μου. Ίσως να μην αισθάνομαι ιδιαίτερα ενδιαφέρουσα και η ίδια αυτόν τον καιρό. Οπότε προτιμώ να κρατώ το στοματάκι μου κλειστό. Γενικά, όμως, μάλλον λακωνικός τύπος είμαι, ούτως ή άλλως, οπότε δεν λέω πολλά. Πάντως ούτε από αυτούς που τα κρατάν μέσα τους είμαι, οπότε όταν νιώσω την ανάγκη να μοιραστώ κάτι θα το γράψω. Λυπάμαι πάντως που δεν μπορώ να συνεισφέρω κάτι αυτόν τον καιρό. Αυτό δεν σημαίνει όμως πως δεν διαβάζω τα δικά σας blogs ανελλιπώς....

Φιλιά στους άλλους Λιλιπουπολίτες!!

Dream Junkie

It’s back!! My allergy - Rhinitis. It’s a nose allergy – the nose dries up and you can’t inhale through it. No idea when or why it pays me a visit. It was gone for over two years and now it’s back. I would like to blame it on stress. Stress had always expressed itself in the most bizarre ways, anyway….an eye that flickers constantly (even though I never bump into anyone), air that stops half way down my throat and never makes it to the lungs, nail biting (when I was a kid)…and now this…yet I don’t think so. It has probably something to do with temperature fluctuation that affects the blood vessels of the nose, or something like that. For example, I am outside in the cold breathing properly, then I enter my house, which is warm, and snap, no air. I am like a walking thermostat, sensing the temperature and reacting to it. And since the weather this last month has been so indecisive, my nose thermostat has gone berserk. What’s annoying, however, with this allergy is not that you can’t breathe, but that in order to breathe you have to get the assistance of some sort of drug. And, well, since Rhinitis is a persistent visitor you turn into a junkie (no exaggeration whatsoever). I was a junkie for three consecutive years once. When I lived in DK my mom would send me packages upon packages of this magical drug: Dexa-Rhinaspray N: tramazoline hydrochloride monohydrate 0.1286 mg & dexamethazone 21-isonicotinate 0.02 mg. How’s that for a drug? Did you notice the nicotinate ending? And how about that metha hiding between dexa and zone?

Yep, the addiction part is a bummer. Still, there’s one thing that this Rhinitis of mine is good at: at giving me the most interesting dreams of suffocation. You see, I take two sniffs (the drug is so strong, that’s all it takes) before I go to sleep, but at some point during the early hours of the morning the drug wears off and I am left without air. And that’s when my friend the subconscious, which has to warn me that I am out of air, begins to visualize the most intricate scenarios: at times I’m crying so much (don’t remember why) that my nose blocks and I’m out of air. At others, I’m underwater (don’t know how I got there) and I can’t come up for air. There are even cases when I reach for my drug in my dream but it does not work, so I panic and wake up…

Isn’t this subconscious fantastic?? I mean for those who might not believe that dreams try to tell us something, consider these dreams of mine. Or think of instances when for example the phone is ringing in reality and the ringing finds its way into your dream, as if to alert you. And isn’t it funny how smoothly the ringing gets integrated into your dream, even though the dream might be taking place in outer space for all I know? Here you are as an astronaut, slow motion flying in space, trying to fix the wing of the spacecraft that has bumped into a passing meteor, when all of a sudden…the phone rings…of course it does…and you’re thinking, yeah I’ll get it…and then you wake up…because the ringing persists and the absurdity of the situation makes you realize that this is only a dream…

Variations on a Dream

Three years have gone by and they are still haunting me in my dreams – faces that want to be re-introduced, in places that assume different looks because they want to be re-lived.
They never stopped, my recurring dreams of packing suitcases and of being just minutes away from departure. One of those dreams I remember clearly, for I was not packing; I was staying behind, while all the rest were packing and going away. What pain…

I remember wandering in corridors, saying goodbyes. In other dreams I am always in a hurry. I am always running late. We are about to leave and I have not packed yet – how unusual for someone who has elevated packing in an art form. In another dream the scenery is bizarre – a hill and we have to carry our heavy suitcases up-hill.
My subconscious plays tricks on me. Feels unfulfilled. Wants to be given a second chance – to live and experience things differently, like in a film shoot: “One more time! The ending was not good!”